Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Basilica Baseballica

I believe in the Church of Baseball. I haven't tried any of the major religions, or any of the minor ones come to think of it. I've worshipped Fernandez, Iorg, Wilson, Hentgen, Alomar, street meat, Carling Ice, and Shane McGowan. I know things. For instance, there are a dozen types of Leukemia, of which I had one. I also know there are several types of Lymphoma, and Joh Lester had one. When I heard that, I gave Jon a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. Baseball laid too much guilt on me. He plays for the Red Sox after all. It should also be said, I'd prefer having a sister in a whorehouse than having a brother who's a Yankees Fan. 
You see, there's no guilt in rooting for your team, and it's never boring, even though it can make you want to slam a screwdriver through your brain at times or shoot your TV. To best root for your team you should treat it like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Easier said than done, I know. 
There's a certain amount of life wisdom to be gained by following a baseball team. It can expand your mind. Don't read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman, just follow a team. It can make you feel confident, and can make you feel safe, and manly. It can also make you feel vulnerable, small, and helpless. It can teach you life lessons about patience and winning and losing. It can teach you about good (your team) and evil (the Yankees) 'Course, what it gives you lasts a lifetime; and what you give to your team lasts 142 games (I'm assuming everyone misses one here or there).  Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball - who can forget Michael Young for Esteban Loaiza? 
It can be a long season and you gotta have hope, and you gotta have faith, no matter who your team is. I've tried none of them, I really haven't, because the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball. 

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